


feelings

by JAS (sorryimtrash)



Series: gay drabbles [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Beach, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beach Holidays, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Mention of Assault, girls falling in love, inspired by Hayley Kiyoko, lowercase intended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 14:20:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14813024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorryimtrash/pseuds/JAS
Summary: i’ve always had a hatred for the beach. i’ve always hated the feeling of sand between my toes, finding it in my hair, the cold water and the smell. i would rather swim at a small lake, or at the small harbour next to my house, where the water was somewhat warmer and deeper.my opinion on the beach has changed though, this summer, to be exact. and there is only one person to be thankful to, jade pierson.





	feelings

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this realllly quick because i finally had some inspiration after such a long writer's block. 
> 
> this probably isn't that good but i'm just glad that i finally got to write again.
> 
> there are mentions of assault/rape, but only in one paragraph. the character does not get raped, but was assaulted in the past. 
> 
> this is partly based on my own experience.
> 
> (english is not my first language, please keep that in mind while reading)

i’ve always had a hatred for the beach. i’ve always hated the feeling of sand between my toes, finding it in my hair, the cold water and the smell. i would rather swim at a small lake, or at the small harbour next to my house, where the water was somewhat warmer and deeper. 

my opinion on the beach has changed though, this summer, to be exact. and there is only one person to be thankful to, jade pierson.

even though i do hate the beach, sometimes i go there to think a bit, or to drink with my friends. i don’t ever want to ruin my friends’ fun because i don’t enjoy the place as much as they do. so i occasionally suck my hatred, and fear, up and go with them. because one time, things went incredibly wrong and i didn’t visit it for over a year.

we don’t talk about that night anymore. 

you could say that there are a lot of memories of the beach in my town, only 5 minutes walking distance from my house.

\---

obviously it came as a surprise to my parents when i was packing a small backpack with some snacks, red bull and a new book that i had bought, to go to the beach. if i ever go to the beach, i only sit in the dunes. it’s kind of a rule, i don’t get too close to the water.

it was when i was half through the book that i noticed that it was getting a bit darker, but i also noticed a girl sitting about 15 feet away from me, also reading a book. i hadn’t seen her arriving at all, so i was surprised to see her there. the brown haired girl probably felt my eyes on her, because after only 5 seconds of staring at her, she looked up. i was a bit shocked, but smiled at her. she smiled back and gave me a small nod before going back to her book.

she was pretty.

\---

the day after, i returned to the same spot at the same time. the girl wasn’t there, but she wasn’t there the first day either so early. so i continued reading my book.

after about an hour i looked up again.

she was sitting there, at the same place she was reading yesterday, but this time she was already looking at me. i waved at her, smiled, and went back to reading my book.

\---

on the third afternoon, i finished my book. i hadn’t thought about bringing another one, so i was quite sad to be leaving so early, not even having seen the girl again. just as i was gonna pack my bag, the girl came walking towards me i waved at her again, and she waved back.  
i continued to pack my bag.

“you’re leaving already?” 

i looked up to see her standing only 1 feet in front of me. the closest she’d ever been to me.

i only nodded, because i didn’t know what to say to her. she had a bit of an accent, maybe she came from the upper north, at least, it sounded like that. 

“i’m jade, would you maybe want to get a milkshake with me?” 

i was surprised by her question and raised my eyebrow. she looked a bit nervous, like she had wanted to ask it for a longer time. “i would like that, yeah.” the moment i answered that she smiled the prettiest smile i had ever seen.

\---

“once i almost died”

“you what”

“yeah, turns out i have a major allergy to cherries. did not know that. ate one cherry and i couldn’t breathe and my lips were the size of Kylie Jenner’s”

“wow, badass”

“i know right”

\---

almost every evening, jade and i would meet at the very same spot at the beach and the we would spontaneously decide what to do and where to go, it was a quick friendship.

\---

“my parents’ marriage is a mess, so every year they try to fix it by taking me and my brother on an eight week holiday.”

“that fucking sucks”

“yeah kinda, but i see a lot of places and i meet lots of pretty people”

\---

“my parents kinda suck too. they keep telling themselves they love each other. but there isn’t any love”  
“that’s awful”

“i’m scared that i’ll end up like that. marrying someone i love, but after years of being with them, realizing i dont love them anymore”

“i’m scared of the exact same thing.” 

“i’m not alone then”

“you’re not” 

\---

after 2 weeks of meeting regularly, we were planning to get drunk out of our minds. i brought some wine from my parents’ basement and she brought a few joints. 

it brought back a flashback, and the panic that i felt was so bad that jade panicked, and i was crying and screaming and jade was so confused, crying too. 

when i calmed down, i told her what happened at this exact beach when i was 14 years old. 

my best friend and i had met some german boys and they had invited us to come drink with them. stupidly, we agreed to come.

there was one boy, that was clearly interested in me, who kept giving me more and more wine. and i was a fourteen year old girl, okay, i was naive. they had bought weed when they were in nijmegen, and i got high for the first time in my life that night. 

the boy that kept giving me wine, assaulted me. i was so out of it i did not feel anything. 

my best friend took me away before it was too late, but the damage was already done. 

i haven’t trusted a boy ever since then. 

jade was the first person apart from my best friend who i’ve told this story to.

we had not even drank or smoked something yet, but she was calming me in a way that nobody ever had. 

obviously, after i calmed down, we did drink the wine, but we didn’t smoke. 

i promised her we would another time. 

\---

“hey, i wanted to give you something”

“oh, what is it?”

“here, it’s the book i was reading when i first saw you. i want you to have it.”

“oh my god jade, thank you. i’ll be sure to treasure it.”

\---

“so, have you finished the book yet?”

“yeah i finished it this morning actually.”

“did you cry?”

“like a baby”

\---

after about 3 weeks of us hanging out, i began noticing things about jade that i had not noticed before.

like the slope of her nose, the freckles on it and how she always had a little blush on her face, like she was always flustered.

maybe she was.

i noticed the way the sun shone upon her hair, making it lighter than it is. i noticed the way she would scrunch up her nose while laughing when something was incredibly funny.  
i noticed the way she would bite her nails while deeply in her thoughts. i noticed how her voice would drop a few octaves when she would read me her favourite book out loud, but i also noticed how her voice would get higher when she got to the exciting parts.

fallin for jade pierson only took 3 weeks.

\---

a few days after my big realization, we went to the beach to actually smoke the weed she brought. 

that night, she kissed me for the first time. 

we only had half a joint, before she decided i had enough. she knows i’m a bit of a lightweight. 

we just laid on our blanket, looking at the dark sky and the full moon. it was getting chilly when she gave me her jacket, saying that she wasnt cold. we snuggled together, like we always did, but it felt different this time.

it was the weed, probably. 

but as i turned my head to look at her properly, she was so close. i was expecting it. i closed my eyes. 

and she kissed me. and i kissed back. i didn’t feel sparks or something like that. but i knew it felt good. it just felt right.

\---

the day after we got so high, i returned to our usual spot. she wasn’t there yet.

so i sat down and waited. 

and waited.

but she did not come.

\--- 

obviously i was mad. i was disappointed. 

in myself.

i let myself fall in love, and this was how it turned out.

\---

i didn’t come back to the beach the day after that. i was hurt. 

i locked myself in my room, rewatching the first few seasons of brooklyn 99.

it was summer break after all.

the weather had overturned, it was only raining. 

\---

after 4 days of moping around, my mom forced me to shower and go to the stores, to get her some groceries.

i did shower, and i did go to the store.

where i saw her again.

she looked tired, like she hadn’t slept for days.

she still looked beautiful to me.

she did not see me.

\---

about a week after the incident, my best friend came over to cheer me up. i think my mom called her. my best friend is unique, in her own way. she always knows what to do and how to cheer me up. i had not seen her a lot this month, i was busy with other things.

i told her about jade. about how i’m in love with her. how bad i want to be with her. about how i want her to care about me as much as i care about her. 

she listened.

her only advice was to go back to the place where we always went.

maybe, she had decided to show up again.  
\---

that same evening, i went to the beach again. i waited at our spot.

she came.

i had never seen her so happy, and relieved, to see me. she went to sit next to me and i let her.

“can i explain?” i nodded, obviously curious for why she had stood me up that night.

“i don’t really have a good reason. i can’t talk this right. i was scared. i have been in love with you since i saw you for the first time, reading aristotle and dante, and you looked so pretty being all focused. i was immediately head over heels. then you told me that story, and i just felt this huge rage, but also pride. you trusted me enough to tell me something that was such a traumatic experience. i was mad at the boy that took advantage of you that night.  
and then i kissed you, and i felt so bad. because i felt like i took advantage of you too.  
so i didn’t come the next night”

while she was speaking, i kept looking at the sand and the waves. when she stopped speaking, i had tears rolling over my cheeks. seconds later, her hand wiped them away.

“i’m sorry”

then i did something that was so unlike me, i surprised both jade and myself with it. 

i kissed her.

it was a short peck. but i saw the lights return in jade’s brown eyes and i knew i made the right choice. 

“i am head over heels in love with you, jade pierson.”

\---

i used to have a hatred for the beach. i used to hate the feeling of sand between my toes, finding it in my hair, the cold water and the smell. i used to only want to swim at a small lake, or at the small harbour next to my house, where the water was somewhat warmer and deeper. 

now i am deeply in love with two things  
jade pierson  
the beach


End file.
